The Princess Culture Has Gone Too Far

When I was a little girl, there were only three Disney Princess movies: Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. I loved the princesses and definitely wanted to live happily ever after (well, mostly live in Cinderella's Castle at Walt Disney World in real life).

But I loved other things too: Star Wars, Barbies (who almost always came with a matching Ken-Malibu Barbie and Ken, Roller Skating Barbie and Ken, and so on), Atari games such as Pac Man, Pitfall, Frogger, and Donkey Kong, Scooby Doo, playing house and school, riding bikes, and roller skating. I took ballet. I was terrible at softball. I climbed trees and skinned my knees more times than I could count. I played with girls and boys (even boys played house and school back then and we all played Star Wars together).

When I look back at pictures of myself, I see myself dressed as Casper the Ghost, a scary witch, and an Indian girl for Halloween. I was Tinkerbell once, but it wasn't any fairy dress with wings-it was a plastic mask and an ill-fitting "dress" worn over clothes. 

Me as Tinkerbell, circa 1975 (age two).

Imagine the same getup with Casper's image and you have my costume for 1976.

Sophie as Tinkerbell, circa 2009 (age one). Her costume is so much cuter. My mom's decor is also a little fancier LOL.

I'm dressed in lots of primary colors, and clad mostly in jeans and shorts. I have a solid green Trapper Keeper with red, blue, and green folders inside. I have a red bike, followed by a pink dirtbike, followed by a silver, red, and black bike.

Me, circa 1980. I'm about a year older than Sophie here. For the record, I did not have football curtains. This picture was taken at a friend's house-a boy who often played Barbies with me.

Starting with The Little Mermaid in 1989 and all the Disney Princess movies that came after, princess culture was on the rise. And I thought it was great...at first. Wow, little girls can get these amazing costumes I never could when I was their age! They can meet the princesses! So fun!

And unlike some people, I think there are good lessons for little girls in the princess stories. Be kind. Be loyal. Read books (thank you, Belle). Work hard (Cinderella, Snow White, Tiana). And so on.

When I had Sophie, I definitely indulged in the princess culture with her (mostly for myself probably!). And from about two to four, she enjoyed it-she was Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty, we had dinner at Cinderella's Castle, we read the books and watched the movies. It was fun. I also introduced her to Star Wars and Scooby Doo.

The first time she put this dress on, she said "I'm so pretty, Mommy!"

She's real! Disney 2011.

Ariel, the one who started a movement.

Last gasp for princess culture at my house, circa 2012.

This is still one of my favorite pictures of her. I can't help it.

And then, at five, Sophie began to move past princesses. She still loves her stuffed animals and she's not much into dolls. She's very into Star Wars, superheroes, Ninja Turtles, Angry Birds, other video games, and the like. Last fall, I introduced Sophie to Wonder Woman, because I wanted her to know a woman can be a superhero too. 

I totally wanted this costume! Look at the boots! Halloween 2013.

She decided she didn't want to take dance anymore, but she did want to play basketball and soccer. She is a much better athlete than me.

Total baller. Little Spurs, 2014.

Her favorite colors are blue, red, and orange. Suddenly, it has become a struggle to find things that fit with her interests, but that isn't "boy" stuff. Take a look around any retailer: try to find a nice blue, red, or orange school backpack for a girl. NOPE. Pink, purple, or teal only.

We settled on a cute R2D2 backpack because Star Wars over everything.

He's pretty cool...lights up and talks at the push of a button.
Sophie actually picked out this yellow and pink ensemble herself for the first day of school. She likes to keep me guessing.

Look for any girl's bike: no primary colors. My parents bought Sophie a "boy's" bike this week because it was in colors she liked. My mom, who like me is more girly than Sophie is, was even irritated. "I like red and blue too," my mom said. "Why does everyone think girls only like pink and purple?"

My Daddy, running alongside Sophie on her red and black bike with matching helmet.

I'm tired of being asked if I want the "boy" or "girl" toy at McDonalds. When I was a kid, there was only one option and boys and girls both liked it, whether it was Snoopy or Star Wars. Sophie likes MarioKart and How to Train Your Dragon. According to my friend Erin, some boys like Beanie Babies. If you're going to give options, just ask which one Moms want...stop categorizing them by gender.

Manufacturers and retailers now want so badly to get in on the many dollars the princess culture generates that they are leaving behind girls who don't fit in to that mold. Girls like Sophie are no different from girls like me from the early 1980s with a variety of interests. It's just today, the princess stuff is seen as SO important that it trumps everything else.

In Sophie's classes, I see lots of little girls who are still engrossed in the princess culture, especially with Frozen coming out last year. Sophie loved Frozen too, but I think that was mostly because Elsa has a superpower and the music was fantastic. Mostly, I see Sophie wanting to play with the boys because she's more interested in the things they like. Her lack of interest in princess stuff sets her apart from the other girls.

This is as close as we came to a princess at Disney this year...she wanted an Elsa shirt and accessorized it with a pirate hat and eye patch!

Sometimes she says she hates all girl stuff and wants to be a boy. Sometimes she goes back and forth between girl stuff and boy stuff. For example, at theater camp this summer, she was Anna from Frozen in the first session and wore a princess dress with a too-large crown and sneakers. The next session she wore a too-small Iron Man costume with cat ears. She doesn't want to wear clothes that are too glittery, but loved getting a mani/pedi with me at the salon last week (blue on the fingers, red on the toes, of course).

As Anna. You can't see her sneakers in this photo. ;)

As SkippyJon Jones, but wearing an Iron Man costume with cat ears because THEATAH! Same sneakers!

As her mother, I love her just the way she is, but I hate to see her sometimes rejecting "girl stuff" because it isn't available in the colors she likes. I'd love to be able to find her backpacks and bikes and other basic things that are "for girls" in her favorite colors. I'm working hard to not let my decidedly more girly nature and interests affect her in a negative way. I'm probably failing more than I'm succeeding, but I'm really trying.

This is 2014. Girls can do and be whatever they want in this world. They should be able to have what they want also, in all the colors of the rainbow, not just pink and purple.

Bring back the rainbows, people. Circa 1982.

My Baby Grownup Girl

Sophie, now five and a half, is growing up faster than I like.

 

It really struck me this week. Last week, on our way to Florida for vacation, she carried her own backpack and pulled her own suitcase. We had no stroller to deal with and no child to carry for the first time ever and we were THRILLED that she was pulling her own weight (as it were) as a traveler. So proud of our big girl. That didn't bother me at all.

Pulling her suitcase like a boss

 

Then, last night after her bath, Sophie told me her tooth hurt. I took a look and the tooth wiggled very loosely.

 

"Sophie, your baby tooth is loose," I told her.

 

"MOMMY! I HAVE A WIGGLY TOOTH! I HAVE A WIGGLY TOOTH!" she exclaimed. I called for J to come and he hugged her and was congratulating her on this milestone when I felt tears pricking my eyes.

Wiggly tooth, right there

My baby is losing her baby teeth, literally the last vestiges of her babyhood. MY BABY. I'm not ready for this, friends. It's really hitting me.

 

She's finishing Kindergarten. She'll turn six in August. She's losing her baby teeth. She's as tall as my boobs (yes, really). But she's just my little baby. How did this happen?

See? Boob high

 

Every day, she makes me laugh with her pronouncements on things, always starting with "Good news, Mommy!" or "Do you want to know something crazy?" She is reading everything in sight, whether she likes to admit it or not. She is becoming a good little swimmer and works hard at it every week. She is SO over princesses, showing no interest in them last week at all (except Elsa, because ICE POWER).

 

But in my heart, she's always going to be my baby, my little princess. So I'll just be over here drying my tears, watching her grow up.

Baby teeth firmly in place

My little princess

Update: Before I could post this, Sophie's baby tooth came out as she brushed her teeth before bed. The Tooth Fairy is glad she had time on her lunch break today to prepare for the occasion. Mommy is still in teary denial.

Gap on top and bottom

Going rate for a first tooth is $5

OK, and a little wand and some fairy dust

To My Daughter, Sophie

Dear Sophie,

Right now, you are four years old. You are tall and beautiful. You are smart and funny. You are shy in certain situations and a total chatterbox in others. In other words, you are PERFECT.

I want you to know that I'm always going to love you. Nothing's ever going to change that. No matter what happens in your life, I'm here to love and support you.

When I was growing up, Nana was always there to guide me. She was, and is, my best friend. But sometimes growing up, it's hard to listen to your mother. I know, in a few short years, you may not always want to listen to me or take my advice. However, as I've grown up and become a mother to you, I've learned along the way that Nana is pretty smart. So I want to pass along to you things she taught me, and things I believe, and notes about the kind of person I'd like you to be. I'll love you no matter what, but just keep these in mind, okay?

Be kind, especially to older people.
Kindnesses are easily given to others and much appreciated. It's important to be kind and respectful to all people, but especially always try to be kind and show respect to older people. Both Nana and Papa have always been so respectful of their elders and I believe I've grown up to be the same. Older people are sometimes forgotten in society, but they were young once and have amazing stories to tell if you take a moment to listen.

Be a giver.
Nana has told me that she would rather be a giver in life, even when that giving isn't always reciprocated. She is incredibly generous of her time and talents to those in her life, especially me and you. She's someone who always considers what she can do to help a friend or family member. She sends flowers, she makes food, she runs errands for others. She lives her life with a service mentality. I try very hard to live this way in my own life, although I'm not sure I'm as good at it as she is.

Don't change yourself to keep a friend or a boyfriend in your life.
Nana always made me feel very confident in myself. I hope greatly that I can impart this feeling to you as you grow up and encounter challenges in life. Sometimes people will ask you to do something or go along with something you don't really want to. Trust your gut. Be yourself. If a friend is truly a friend or if a boy really likes you, they will like you just as you are and not force you to be someone you're not or do things you don't want to do to keep your relationship with them.

I spent many years as a single person, watching some of my girlfriends change their personalities with every guy they dated. It's okay to take an interest in something important to a guy you like or are dating (for example, I'd only seen one hockey game before I met your Dad); it's another thing to change your personality from one extreme to the next to try to make something work (it's not like I took up playing hockey and watching every game and only talking about hockey when we started dating LOL).

Daddy would tell you that I'm telling a story here and that I actually did a lot of hiking with him when we were dating and first married and I do not hike now, and that's kind of true, but we had a lot more free time TO hike back then than we do now. And I still hike occasionally!

Make special occasions special.
Even when I was little and we didn't have a lot of disposable income, Nana always tried to make special occasions special. She's big and possibly over the top on Christmas and Easter and birthdays now, as you know, but she has always made things special even when money was scarce. In fact, Nana told me that as a girl she used to wrap empty boxes and put them under the Christmas tree just to make the tree look pretty at Christmas. This story simultaneously breaks my heart, thinking of her growing up with so little (growing up poor as one of 10 children), and makes me totally indulge all the ways in which she goes over the top at Christmas now, because she deserves it.

Some of my favorite memories of "special" occasions with Nana are simple things. When I was 10, we went camping in the Rocky Mountains. One afternoon, Nana packed up an awesome picnic lunch and we took it out into the middle of a meadow in the mountains and ate it. Nana is kind of famous for making the day special with picnic lunches. Remember when we celebrated Fourth of July at Blanco State Park last year and I made a picnic lunch (like actually cooked things for it?!). Well, you definitely have Nana to thank for that.

When you were three weeks old, Daddy had gone back to work and I was home alone with you, sleep-deprived and in desperate need of a few minutes to shower. Nana came over one day and not only took care of you so I could shower, but brought all the makings of a lovely tea for us to enjoy. And not just the food...the serving dishes for the tea and soup and desserts. She set the table so lovely, as if it was tea for the Queen! I felt clean and refreshed after my shower, and you in your bouncy chair, me with my freshly washed hair, and Nana, enjoyed a lovely tea together. Just a random weekday that she made feel special.

I hope someday you remember days and events that Nana and I made special for you and you carry this forward in your own life with your own child(ren).

Stay clear of tanning, tattoos, and crazy piercings.
You only get one body in this life and I hope you are kind to it. For me, I wish I had listened more closely to Nana when she tried to get me to wear sunscreen as a child, because today I look at the freckles and age spots on my chest and hands and wish I could take them all back.

You have GORGEOUS skin right now, Pumpkin, and I am trying to do what I can to keep it that way. Luckily, you accept sunblock graciously most of the time. As you get older, you may find you want tanner skin than you have naturally. If you must tan, SPRAY TAN ONLY. I spray tan occasionally, mostly around big life events. The rest of the time I don't worry about it much. These days, I admire naturally pale women and YOU and wish I had your porcelain skin. I've never used a tanning bed and you shouldn't either. Growing up on a farm, Papa has had several skin cancers removed and I get my skin checked regularly. If I can leave you with one beauty tip in life, let it be this: TAKE CARE OF YOUR SKIN.

Oh, and um, please don't get any tattoos or crazy piercings. (One set in the ears is OK...I once had two-not worth it). Tattoos (and piercings) seem to be more accepted and prevalent in society these days, but I just can't get behind them. Nana kind of raised me with the belief that classy southern women don't get tattoos. Yes, this sounds judgmental and, well, I guess it is. Mostly, I just think there's not much I'd want to put on my body for my whole life. Maybe your name or your initials, but that's it! Not even Daddy makes the cut there-just you. And your skin and your body change so much that something that might look good at first, might not look great later.

However, if you someday feel really strongly about getting a tattoo or piercing something, please talk to me first and I PROMISE to try and have an open mind about it and I will go with you to get it. Maybe you can just do it somewhere on your body that isn't quite so visible to others, just for me? Please at least give me that! :)

Don't drink and drive. Ever. Mostly, don't drink.
Nana's father was an alcoholic. His addiction was this horrible secret in her life until he abandoned their family before her senior year of high school. Five years later, he committed suicide. I never knew him, but through what she shared with me about him, I knew what his addiction did to her. Nana never drank when I was growing up and neither did Papa. They still don't, champagne toasts at weddings aside.

Out of respect for Nana and all she had been through, I never drank alcohol in high school. Ever. I went to parties and drank soda. I was the designated driver for all my friends. I didn't care what they thought of me, I did it so she would never worry. I did the same in college. I was infamous for my non-drinking. I never drank until I was legal to do so. I spent some of my single years drinking socially in bars and clubs, but my friends and I always took turns being the designated driver.

Since I've had you, I rarely drink at all. And I don't miss it. Drinking isn't that exciting to me. It usually gives me a headache anyway. I hope you will feel the same. I hope you will have the courage to be different and not drink just because "everyone else is doing it." But I won't be mad at you IF you do it. I'll only be mad at you if you don't call me to come pick you up! I'll only be mad at you if you drive drunk or get in a car with a driver who is drunk. SO CALL ME, OKAY?!

Along these lines, just say no to smoking and drugs also. Just say no.
Smoking will kill you if you do it long enough. You know how I give you what I call "Hard Sugar"? Where I kiss you really hard on the cheek and you giggle and ask me to do it again? Well, my favorite uncle, Nana's brother, my Uncle Red, always gave me "Hard Sugar" when I was little. Giving it to you now is one way I remember him and honor his memory. He was a lifelong smoker. When I was 19, he died of lung cancer caused by smoking, way too young. The entire summer before he died, he stayed with us while he was undergoing cancer treatment. He was in so much pain, he couldn't breathe laying down and slept sitting up, and it was so, so awful. It broke my heart. Please don't ever, even for one minute, smoke a cigarette.

As for drugs, re-read what I said about alcohol above and just know that any momentary high one experiences on drugs cannot compensate for all the awful lows that addiction, out-of-control behavior, and an expensive habit automatically bring. Drugs destroy lives, so just say no.

Love yourself.
This can be very hard to do, especially as a woman in a society focused on outer beauty. Are there things I would change about myself if I could? Sure. I'd have smaller feet, a straighter nose, and a flatter stomach. In reality though, my big feet support how tall I am, which is one of my best traits-I love being tall! If my nose was straighter, I might not look like myself anymore, like Jennifer Grey post-Dirty Dancing (we'll watch this movie together when you are older). If my stomach were flatter, well, it would probably mean you didn't exist, and although it is often the bane of my existence (mostly when I see it in photos), my poochy stomach is a badge of motherhood and it is a badge I wear proudly because I fought a hard battle to earn it and bring you into this world.

In high school, I weighed 112 pounds and thought I had big hips. I wish I could go back in time and shake 1989-1991-me and make her realize how lucky she was to be so thin without any effort. When Nana looks at pictures of herself as a young girl, she now realizes she was beautiful in a way she never did at the time. I look at you and think you are perfect. You are going to be so tall and you have the most beautiful coloring and eyelashes a mile long. I cannot imagine you will ever need to wear makeup you are so naturally lovely. So love yourself, try not to compare yourself to others, and appreciate even what you think are your imperfections-they are what make you my Sophie.

My darling daughter, I love you so much. I hope that as you grow up, you and I have the type of mother-daughter relationship and friendship that I have with Nana. I hope you will always want to tell me your stories and share with me your secrets and dreams. I hope you will call me, often, for whatever reason, just because.

Love,
Mama

3rd Birthday Farm Fiesta!

On August 27th, 2011, we celebrated S's 3rd birthday with a fun birthday party at Fiesta Farm and Petting Zoo!

It was super fun, although it was the hottest day of the year. The Nana and I have decided no more outdoor parties in August, but we think the farm party was a big success! Here are some pictures!

S, the birthday girl

Climbing on tractor tires

Watch out world!

Party decorations

Thank-you gift bags

Greeting her friends

Hugs galore

 

Tiny goat!

The kids loved this part!

That's my hand holding the goat food LOL

S and her friend play trucks in the sandbox

S and Papa (my Dad) play with toys in the water trough

S and Papa

Pony rides!

S's friend E riding-all the kids got a turn!

S's friends get ready for the hayride!

S at the back of the hayride with her friends

She's having fun so Mommy's happy!

S enjoying the bubble machine!

Um, why are 40 people staring at me and singing?

I don't want to have a birthday! I don't want to grow up!

I DON'T WANT TO BE A BIG GIRL!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Wait, birthday girls get cake?!

Maybe being a big girl isn't SO bad.

(Nana and Daddy are in these last two pictures with me)

S's friend G enjoys her cupcake

Nana cut all these cupcake toppers!

Wow...I'm three now!

Mommy's big girl! *

The party was so much fun, but I have no idea how I will top it for S next year! I guess I have a few months to figure it out. :)

*All photos by Orange Crayon Photography.