Reflections on 2013

I have formulated about 10 blog posts in my head this last month. None of them made it into this space. I swore I was going to blog during my 16 days away from work. Didn't happen. Life happened instead! (OK, and lots of TV watching.)

 

Laura and Blair and several of my lovely friends completed this year-in-review questionnaire and I love the format, so here goes:

1. What did you do in 2013 that you've never done before?

I sold a house. I rode a scary-ass roller coaster (the Iron Rattler at Six Flags-I've ridden others, but this is the scariest one I've ever ridden). I attended three NBA Finals games (sob). I turned 40. I became a Homeroom Mom for Sophie's Kindergarten class.

I survived the Iron Rattler!

The NBA Finals! (sob)

Homeroom Mom!

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions and will you make more for next year?

I'm not big on resolutions. Every year, I try to work on losing some weight and exercising more (yeah, right). This year, I made a list of what I wanted to do to celebrate turning 40 and I accomplished the first three.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No, although I have a coworker who is about to give birth!

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes. My dear friend Sue, the leader of a monthly book group I was in for 15 years passed away around New Year's last year from complications of Alzheimer's. I watched her decline over the past five years to the point where our book group meetings were just a get-together each month to see how she was doing since she no longer could read or talk about books really. She still knew me till the end though, most of the time.

That's Sue at left in better days, although she was already starting to decline here. Pat is holding Sophie (7 months). My other friend Michele is not pictured.

5. What countries did you visit?

No international travel in 2013. We are supposed to go to Canada sometime this year, but that may not happen for several other reasons (a surprise Disney trip in April being one).

6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?

Patience with my family. The ability to forgive myself when my house isn't perfect (I will never be as good a housekeeper as my mom, nor do I have the time and energy to be-I need to stop beating myself up! I'm good at other things!).

7. What dates in 2013 will be etched on your memory and why?

My 40th birthday. Games 6 and 7 of the NBA Finals (sob). Sophie's first day of elementary school.

My big girl on her first day of school!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I think buying a house and selling another and getting all bazillion of our possessions moved and surviving J's many expensive attempts to soundproof our house (28 new windows, three new doors, more to come apparently-AAH!) should qualify as my biggest achievement this year. I am never moving again!

9. What was your biggest failure?

Hmm. This is a hard question. Probably yelling at J and Sophie a little too quickly (see "patience" above). I've got to work on that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I've been having some back problems this last month, triggered by lifting my 65-lb baby one too many times. Sorry kiddo, you have to walk everywhere now. ;)

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Tickets to see Keane. Tickets to the Spurs playoffs (sob). My ticket to Charleston. :) My new laptop (first computer I've ever owned that wasn't a hand-me-down from J-he's kept me in computers since 2003).

My view of Tim Rice-Oxley at the Keane concert-so close!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

J, who despite his obsession with soundproofing, is really a fantastic partner and father. I know he's always on my side and we're a great team. Also, Sophie, who is growing up to be quite a kid. She's imaginative and funny and loving and smart. She took to "big-girl school" like a boss. Love her so much.

At South Padre Island on vacation

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

The Texas Senate during the Wendy Davis filibuster (basically anyone in that session who was not a Texas Democrat, or named Wendy Davis, Kirk Watson, and Leticia Van De Putte).

 I met Wendy (future Governor Davis) at a rally
in San Antonio a few weeks later.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Mortgage, soundproofing/home renovations, and daycare.

15. What did you get really, really excited about?

The Spurs going to the NBA Finals (sob) and going to meet lovely Internet friends at the Blathering.

16. What song will always remind you of 2013?

"Blurred Lines." I know, I know. But when it was first out last summer, Sophie started singing it in the car because she thought it was about her since she's a "Good Girl!" I should've taped her singing it, because it was very cute-"You're a gooood giiiirll!"

Also, Pitbull's "Don't Stop the Party" because it was the Spurs intro every night at every game (sob).

17. Compared to this time last year are you:

Happier or Sadder - Happier
Thinner or Fatter- A little thinner, not much
Richer or Poorer - A little richer because I paid off my car early and now have a little extra money each month. Although also poorer, considering how much money we've spent on windows and such for our new house. Who knows?

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Sleeping. Reading, for sure. Reading took a HUGE hit this year between all the moving and the obsessive HGTV watching in the months before and after our move. Blogging. Ahem, obviously.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Laundry. It's the bane of my existence every weekend.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

We opened gifts with my parents at their house on Christmas Eve. On Christmas morning, we opened our gifts and Santa's gift, then my parents came over for Christmas dinner, which required very little actual cooking from me. Nice and relaxing.

At Nana and Papa's

Sophie on the Kindle and Nana on her phone

21. Did you fall in love in 2013?
I fell in love with my house. It was the first one we liked online and the first one we visited. Nothing else compared.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Scandal. Elementary. Castle. The Goldbergs. The Good Wife. Game of Thrones. Masterpiece Mystery (Inspector Lewis, Endeavor, I re-watched Sherlock, et al.). NCIS: LA. Bones. ALL OF HGTV.

"Hi, my name is Sonya and I'm addicted to television."

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't at this time last year?

No. OK, maybe Ray Allen a little for game 6 of the NBA Finals (sob).

24. What was the best book you read?

Divergent. The Cuckoo's Calling. I really didn't read very much this year. :(

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Jay-Z? I went to see him with C and was surprised how much I enjoyed his concert (despite all the language). Also, Ed Sheeran, thanks to @melissaa24. And I've really enjoyed the Capital Cities and Imagine Dragons lately.

26. What did you want and get?

A new house in a neighborhood with a good elementary school for Sophie.

27. What did you want and not get?

A FIFTH SPURS NBA CHAMPIONSHIP (SOB).

There's supposed to be one more here!

28. What was your favorite film this year?

Well, I only saw Monster's University, Catching Fire, and Frozen. Loved them all, so it's a toss up.

29. What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?

I was 40. We hosted a little party with my closest friends and their kids at our house. It was relaxing and fun.

30. What one thing would have made your year more satisfying?

THE SPURS WINNING A FIFTH NBA CHAMPIONSHIP (SOB). Yeah, there's a theme here.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?

Capris and heels (summer). Jeans and boots (winter). Lots of sparkly jewelry.

32. What kept you sane?

My family, my BFF, and all of my lovely Twitter and Internet friends.

You've got to have best friends to keep you sane.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Lately, it's all Justin Timberlake and Jimmy Fallon.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Women's right to choose what happens with their bodies. The actions of the Texas Senate during the filibuster were reprehensible. I've never been stirred to personally attend a political rally before.

Don't mess with Texas women, y'all.

35. Who did you miss?

Sue and my book group friends. She was the glue that held us together. I love those ladies, but we don't get together as much now.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

The lovely @lettergirl and all my fantastic Blathering ladies. You are the best.

Just a few of my favorite Blathering friends! So many more here!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson from 2013.

If your husband tells you he's going to soundproof your new house because it's in the flight path of San Antonio International Airport, believe him.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"I feel knocked down but I won’t be broken, I won’t be broken 

My spirit’s reeling, but my arms are open, I won’t be broken 

Got a feeling someday you and I- you're gonna blow this town wide open 

Got a hunger snapping at my heels, my mind that can't be changed- the wheel 

That won’t be broken"

-Keane, "Won't Be Broken"

For the Spurs lost championship this year (sob). No worries-they'll be back in the mix in 2014! Go Spurs go! :)

Happy New Year!

A Christmas Miracle

Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the decorations, music, and family traditions. Although I am Santa's number-one fan, as a Christian, I'm always mindful that the reason for the season is a miracle birth.

For anyone battling infertility, Christmas is a season of emotional landmines. Aside from the "miracle birth" narrative, the entire season is focused on families and children. You see them while Christmas shopping. Happy little faces beam at you from family photo Christmas cards. All your friends talk about is what their children want and what they plan to give them. When you are childless and very much want not to be, your heart and your spirit take a beating during what to seemingly everyone else is a joyous time.

I went through two Christmases battling infertility. The first was early in my battle. I was sad and getting a growing sense something was off, but we weren't officially infertile yet, just trying to get pregnant with no luck. By the second in 2007, I was battle-scarred by seven rage-filled months on Clomid, several invasive and embarrassing tests, and two misfires on IUIs. (The first had to be scrapped due to the need for more genetic testing-I was a carrier for cystic fibrosis, so J had to be tested and we had to postpone the IUI. Luckily, he was not a carrier. The second scheduled, but first actual, IUI failed right around Thanksgiving. It was hard to feel thankful.)

I really wanted to take the month of December off. I knew Christmas was going to be hard on me and I felt like taking a break from the hormones, the trigger shot, the knowing-every-second-of-every-day-where-I-am-in-my-cycle, the two-week wait, the progesterone pills I had to put in my vajayjay twice a day everyday after the IUI, all of it. I saw nothing but heartache ahead.

J is the one who convinced me to go through it all again that December. It amazes me to think back on that now, as there were definitely points in our journey where he was ready to stop if I was, where he felt like it was too much to put myself through, and I was adamantly not going to stop until there was a baby in my arms. At the moment I faltered, he boosted my spirit. Our chances on getting pregnant on the first IUI were 8 percent. The chances on the second IUI were 15 percent, almost double. In J's mind, that was reason enough to try again. I'll never know exactly why he was so confident that we should proceed in December, but I'm forever grateful he was steadfast and supportive and kept me going.

We went to our RE's office on the morning of December 14th, 2007, to check things out via the oh-so-fun vajayjay ultrasound. The previous month, none of my follicles looked promising. On this day, I had two OK follicles and one very large, VERY PROMISING follicle. It was absolutely the first time on any of my MANY mortifying vajayjay ultrasounds that I could actually "see" what the doctor was looking for, and he was very pleased. Of course, it was only one lovely follicle, but that was more than I had ever had develop properly before. He recommended we do the trigger shot that night and come in two days later for the IUI. My Mom and Daddy came over that night so Mom could help me with the shot. (J hates needles and I couldn't bear to give it to myself. My Mom was practiced in giving her sister insulin shots, so she took the job. Love my Mom. Of course, she would do anything to be a Nana!)

On the morning of Saturday, December 16th, 2007, J and I went to the RE's office and submitted ourselves to our various indignities. We went home and I spent the next two weeks attempting to distract myself in all ways possible. I really wasn't in the Christmas spirit. Mostly, I expected the worst and braced myself for it.

My pregnancy test at my RE's was scheduled for the morning of New Year's Eve. I was off work and J and I had made no plans to celebrate since I figured I'd be home sobbing into the remnants of an entire chocolate cake, while watching the ball drop in Times Square-a fitting end to my hellish year.

I went for the test first thing, then drove to my parents' house to hang out with them...J was at work. I didn't expect to hear news till the end of the day. A mere two hours later my phone rang and my doctor's words were "I hope you weren't going to make a New Year's resolution to lose weight this year, because you're going to gain a lot of weight!" I was like, "What?!" and started crying and then he said I was pregnant.

I'll never forget turning to look at my parents and seeing tears streaming down my Daddy's face. I immediately called J to tell him the good news...I hate that he wasn't with me, but since we weren't expecting good news, we hadn't really thought about it. J came home from work early that evening and we went out for dinner and smiled and laughed all night. My heart has never felt so light. We're pregnant, we're finally having a baby, we kept saying. We couldn't believe it.

Now, on the other side of my infertility battle, I'm back to loving Christmas again. Every year, during the Christmas season, I remember the circumstances surrounding Sophie's miracle birth. Although she was actually born in August, she was conceived at Christmas. She's my Christmas miracle. I feel incredibly blessed and extremely grateful. The holidays are sweeter than ever before with Sophie in them.

Sophie and me at "Peter Pan" this week.

Sophie as an Angel in her school Christmas Program this week. It's been a busy week!

But every year, I pray for those who battle on. For all the women and men silently suffering, afraid to open Christmas cards, tearing up at touching holiday commercials, wondering why they still wait for their child. I pray for them because I've been there. I pray for their miracles.

Merry Christmas to you and all the miracles in your lives.

We Need a Little Christmas, Right This Very Minute

It's been a rough two weeks around my house.

I had a raging case of strep throat for three days last week, just as my husband was visiting an orthopedic specialist and finding out he was going to have to have surgery on the shoulder he slammed into the boards playing hockey a few weeks ago. As in, surgery RIGHT NOW. So just as I was getting over strep, I was suddenly caring for my now-completely helpless husband (because of course it's his right shoulder and he's right-handed--he's not even allowed to tie his shoes right now!) and my toddler who has also been a little under the weather with a sinus infection.

I had to cancel a Christmas playdate I was supposed to host for my friends and their children. I also had to miss taking my daughter to see the Nutcracker for the first time. Boo!

Already behind at work due to my own illness, I'm now getting farther behind because I have to shuttle my husband everywhere (appointments, twice-weekly physical therapy) and I have no one to share the school dropoff/pickup load. I had planned on taking all of next week off, but now plan to work at least three days to try and catch up. Boo!

So we NEED a little Christmas, right this very minute! I feel pretty unprepared for Christmas and certainly would've done more if illness hadn't felled me last week; however, I find myself really looking forward to the next two days despite my exhaustion. On Christmas Eve, we read the Christmas story, open gifts, and eat a little buffet dinner with my parents at their house, then on Christmas morning, we open Santa gifts at our house and then host Christmas dinner for my parents.

I need just a few things for it to feel like Christmas: (1) To hear "Thistlehair, the Christmas Bear" by Alabama, (2) To drink lime sherbet punch, which we have on Christmas Eve every year, and (3) To hang out with my husband, daughter, and parents. So I am sure by tomorrow night, I will feel the Christmas spirit very strongly!

What do you need for it to feel like Christmas?

I really only have one Christmas wish this year: for everyone in my family to have good health and happiness in the year to come. Especially my husband, who went from never having surgery to having two in the span of five months.

Merry, merry Christmas to all of you and your families!